Starting to Believe!

It’s Friday and is the birthday weekend for two of my much loved ones (mom and V) yet my mind has decided to put this sad emotion on me this morning. I’m pretty sure I know the reason of this sadness, and as I think more and more the words this guy told me last year come to mind “… you have this wall around you that does not make it easier for people to get close to you …” He got me thinking and of course I knew it was true but did not care much because I was not interested in getting any closer anyway but now what I have realized is that this damn wall can get so tight around me that I can hardly breathe at times. This morning was a very typical case …. I know it was the product of a conversation I had last night with K. I talked about one of my deepest emotions and I pretended to be this strong woman who won’t let people see her cry, so the emotions were strong but I held them back and disconnected from them, went to sleep and to then face sadness to the maximum exponent this morning when the tears could not be stopped any longer (but no one was watching – so it was ok).

In the process of writing this, I’m feeling much better but because I just got this cheerful phone call just in time … I’m back to wanting to smile and laughing … Thank you V for helping me find a smile this morning!

I think we’ll have a great weekend! :)

I will work harder on tearing this wall down.