Contradictions!

ok, here is my dilemma right now. Recently, I paid 3 month for an online dating service (the e- one). I can start ennumerating many reasons why I did it but I guess the main one is because I would indeed like to find a nice guy to share a special relationship with.

There are moments when I strongly think that to me the ideal would be a very 'romantic' encounter where both of us would know that we are meant for each other ... I know, 34 years old and still believing in fairy tales ... yet I still think love is beautiful emotion regardless of the kind of course the very kind I'm missing in my life is the 'romantic' one. That one that makes us shake for no reason, the one that estimulates all different kind of nerves even in areas we are not so aware of ;), I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

So, I have emailed with a couple of guys and they all have seemed nice but I tend to use the email as a way to let them know ahead of time about my way of thinking and my way of seeing life ... I have very strong political and social ideas that I have notice 'scared' them away, I see it as a positive element but have friends who just get on my case for doing so. Let's not even mention talking on the phone when people you have never met! ... my God!! ... I hate it!

Are starting to see the contradiction?

I'm paying for a service that I don't seem to like much ... many people say it's fun ... I guess I just need more time to find the fun on it.