Simplemente viva

GET HIM OUT!!

2007-03-13T13:30:00.000-05:00

:)
Hoy dia comienzo oficialmente el 9no y ultimo mes y todo parece estar bien. Mi angelito ya es considerado 'Full Term' so it could happen any time y desde este fin de semana pasado he estado esperando que se anime y nazca YA! pero el parece estar bastante comodo porque todavia nada.

Estos ultimos dias si que han sido fregados, mis huesos duelen desde mis muñecas con el carpal tunnel syndrome que me ha dado durante el embarazo y el cual el doctor me rejura que asi como aparecio con el embarazo se desaparecera de igual manera hasta mis caderas y mi pelvis. Gracias a Dios logro darse vuelta y ya su cabeza esta donde tiene que estar poniendose listo para salir pero yo creo que solo esta jugando conmigo porque nada de nada.

En la ultima cita con el doctor no habia avanzado mucho en la dilatacion aunque si en el 'effacement' estando solo 1cm dilatada y 70% 'effaced' para ese dia yo ya estaba lista a tenerlo y le dije al doctor pero el calmadamente me dijo todavia tenes un par de semanas mas y tenemos que aprovechar que tu utero ha aguantado porque las probabilidades no estaban a favor de un embarazo 'full term' Asi que ahi pues definitivamente tengo que dar las gracias porque por muy anormal pues aguanto y ahora lo que falta es ver si podre tener un parto vaginal o si despues de todo mi utero se dara por vencido y no colaborara y me tocara C/S. El doctor me dice que el no descarta la posibilidad de una cesarea y que yo lo tengo que tener presente, ha este punto la verdad es que como sea lo importante es que Gabriel nazca sanito y ya! :)

Espero que la lluvia de este jueves logre bajar la presion barometrica lo suficiente para darle una manita a querer salir a conocer mas de cerca este mundo que aunque injusto pues es el que tenemos y del que aprovecharemos lo mejor posible.

Ha sido toda una aventura y se que lo mejor esta por venir!!

8 meses y finalmente HUGE!

2007-02-14T13:12:00.000-05:00

Hoy si ya estoy inmensa!! mi pequeñin parece haber crecido el triple en el ultimo mes, lo siento grande y ya pesa ... jejeje ... el pobre esta un poquitin incomodo creo - mas que todo por falta de espacio. Por el momento esta cabeza arriba y bien sentado en mi pelvic cuando tendria que ya estar cabeza abajo :( ... desde que me dijeron que tenia un 'bicornuate uterus' el doctor me dijo que si el embarazo se daba pues los problemas comunes al final del embarazo podrian ser un parto prematuro o una cesarea porque el bebe no pueda ponerse en posicion para un parto natural. Por ahi me han recomendado posiciones y acupuntura, las posiciones trato de hacerlas en la noche pero no siento que ayude mucho porque hasta ahorita el sigue con su cabecita en mis costillas. Si han habido ocasiones que he sentido que ha querido darse vuelta porque ha sido un poco incomodo y hasta doloroso pero no ha tenido suerte el pobre.

Todo parece estar bien con el y eso es lo mas importante si me tienen que hacer una cesarea pues bring it on! ;)

Hace una semana y media mi hermana me hizo un baby shower y me la pase de lo lindo, me encanto! y lo mas bonito de todo fue el poder sentir el cariño de mis amigos para con mi pequeño, se siente super lindo que me lo quieran ya sin aun conocerlo. Definitivamente cosas asi es que hacen una agradezca a Dios y a la vida por las amistades y la familia.

En cuanto al papa, no hay mucho que decir ... solo que el silencio y la ausencia se vuelven dolorosos de vez en cuando, y las hormonas no ayudan! eso si tengo mas momentos bonitos que tristes porque mi angelito se encarga de recordarme lo bonito y desconocido (por ende retos) que me espera y eso me emociona un resto y me anima otro monton.

Todavia no tengo su nombre completo :( ... quiero encontrar el complemento que sea significativo y que no sea tan 'extraño' pero es dificil porque cuando creo haber encontrado algo convincente me lo vetan :) ... pero por lo menos el nombre principal ya esta con significado y todo.

Ahora lo mas emocionante! ... dentro de tres semanas ya se me considerara 'full term' asi que ya podra nacer sin mucho riezgo que pueda pasar dias en cuidados intensivos, aun en las siguientes tres semanas las posibilidades de sobrevivencia son del 99% yeah!... si he estado experimentando 'contracciones falsas' pero no me he asustado mucho todavia. Asi que ya veremos cuando tendre a mi angelito en brazos.

Primero Dios podre escribir en el comienzo del 9no mes antes de dar la noticia de su nacimiento.

7mo!! ... y todavia no estoy lista!

2007-01-15T18:11:00.000-05:00

Comenzando el 7mo mes ... y ya mas abatida que antes eso si FELIZ!! Yo espero que mi angelito se quede aqui dentro hasta en Marzo cuando le toca, pero la idea o las posibilidades que mi utero ya no de y tenga que darle la bienvenida a mi baby lindo pues es lo que me asusta.

Su cuartito todavia no esta pintado, ni listo aunque si las compras han progresado ya y mi hermana junto con mi mama me lograron convencer de tener un babyshower (tan lindas ellas!) asi que ya me registre tambien.

Ahora lo siento mucho mas fuerte, sus movimientos son mucho mas intensos y dentro de lo comico del asunto esta el hecho que mi hermana ha querido sentirlo un par de veces y yo le aviso pero no lo siente asi que ya me lo tacharon de uraño tambien :) conmigo no hay problema porque yo puedo tener mi mano en el lugar exacto donde me esta dando pataditas y no se da por aludido sigue y sigue pateandome a veces siento que hasta me reclama si no pongo mis manos en mi panza porque me da con mas fuerzas. Las noches se me han complicado porque no puedo dormir bien y parece que los dos estamos despierto al mismo solo que quiza el se molesta mas que yo porque ahi es cuando realmente se siente la fuerza de su presencia.

Ya esta grandecito, ya pesa mas de 3 lbs y ahora si me ven no hay duda que hay un ser creciendo dentro de mi.

Estoy feliz aunque las mismas visitas al doctor me preocupan porque ahora seran cada dos semanas y eso junto con el resto de trabajo hacen que el tiempo se me escape de las manos con mucha mas facilidad como si pasara mas rapido de lo que realmente es.

Ya tengo un nombre para mi angelito pero me falta otro, quiero que lleve dos nombres y el segundo esta dificil de encontrar o de decidirme :)

Ojala pueda escribir nuevamente pronto o por lo menos ya para el 8vo mes.

Ahora ya comenzando el 6to!

2006-12-12T08:29:00.000-05:00

Wow! ya ahora estoy en la semana 25 de 40 ... que emocion ya solo faltan 15 asumiendo que mi osito no quiera conocer este mundo antes del tiempo, ojala que no porque me asusta la idea que no se me desarrolle en todo su potencial como si se mantiene aqui dentro conmigo. Este mes consiste de 5 semanas y ya ahora le toca comenzar a ponerse 'gordito' a mi angelito y a seguir desarrollando sus pulmones y sistema nervioso y como ando soñando cosas raras pues la idea que nazca bastante temprano me asusta pero se que si en el peor de los casos naciera por estas semanas pues ya las probabilidades de sobrevivencia son mucho mas prometedoras, ya ahorita pesa entre 1.6 to 2.1 lbs y mide mas de 13 pulgadas.

La mayoria de gente dicen que no se me nota mucho pero creo que es porque tengo la 'ventaja/desventaja' de ser un poquitin gordita y como habia perdido peso pues se mira como que hubiera vuelto a subir de peso aunque ahora es mas panza que otra cosa, pero si me preguntan a mi me gusta cada dia mas mi pancita quiza porque se que ahi esta mi rayito de luz, hasta el doctor me dijo que no esta preocupado por el tamaño (de que sea muy pequeño) porque las medidas estan bien y tengo un 'semi long' torso y que eso le da espacio mas vertical al bebe y por eso no se nota mucho en lo horizontal todavia y por supuesto el tamaño de mis pechos como que tambien distrae a la gente de darse cuenta que la panza esta creciendo (tambien teoria de mi doctor - lol).

Lo unico fregado a sido la gripe que me visito hace un par de semanas y el doctor opto por no darme pastillas y ya cuando se me estaba calmando me regreso un poquito mas agresiva asi que esta vez si me dio antibioticos porque habia infeccion de garganta pero ya ahora me siento mejor y espero que no vuelva porque no quiero estar tomando pastillas. De ahi pues gracias a Dios todo sigue yendo bien asi que las esperanzas se fortalecen dia con dia.

Estar queriendo no estar!

2006-12-01T09:51:00.000-05:00

Hoy dia es uno de esos en que realmente me cuesta un resto estar aqui en el trabajo, no porque no haya trabajo porque ese si que ha abundado en los ultimos dias pero creo que es hormonal :) ... muy a pesar de mi embarazo no tengo muchas oportunidades de echarle la culpa a las hormonas de una que otra cosa que me pase - bueno excepto por el hambre que se me ha soltado en los ultimos dias, hasta miedo me da terminar con 'double personality complex' con lo que me toca pelear conmigo misma con tal de no comer mucho.

Pero en fin creo que tambien me tiene un poquito 'down' el no ser capaz de ponerle un hasta AQUI a este sentimiento que no tiene fuente de vida, que se alimenta solo. Si bien es cierto mi osito es producto de ese sentimiento ya es hora de darme una buena sacudida y pensar en mi y en este ser lindo que crece en mi y que cada dia me da pataditas mas fuertes saludandome y dejandome saber que tiene hambre tambien :) ... el le pone las sonrisas a mis dias con mucho mas facilidad que cualquier otra cosa.

Definitivamente a sacudirme bien y ser fuerte para poder ir en una transformacion de sentimientos.

Comenzando el Quinto Mes!

2006-11-14T13:00:00.000-05:00

La semana pasada estaba en la mitad 20 semanas de 40 y ahora en la semana 21 comienzo el quinto mes - mero extraño como los doctores deciden contar las semanas en un embarazo pero en fin lo importante es como sea que se cuente pues el bebe crece y crece cada dia mas y mas. Y si a numeros voy, I got 47.1% to go! :)

Ya mi moustrito lindo creció un poquito mas y segun entiendo el proceso de crecimiento comenzara a acelerarse de ahora en adelante. Ya ahora cuando se mueve y me deja sentirlo lo hace con un poquitin de mas fuerza que hace una semana y aunque todavia hay momentos que me sorprende porque estoy clavada en algo siempre logra ponerme una gran sonrisa en la cara.

Obvio que yo tambien estoy creciendo mas y mas :( y a veces me enojo conmigo misma poruue me preocupo mucho por eso, pero tampoco dejo de comer y lo que hago es que mejor como mas saludable y mas saludable trato de olvidarme de lo que las hormonas me instan a comer (pan dulce, chocolate! - hello! el chocolate nunca habia sido parte de mi repertorio y mucho menos una de mis opciones, siempre he preferido vainilla!) en fin trato de salirme del huacal! :) ... el doctor no me ha regañado por mi peso y aunque no es mucho pues todavia nos falta crecer :|

REGRESANDO A UN MEDIO CAMINO FELIZ!

2006-11-07T08:33:00.000-05:00

Despues de una larga ausencia regreso a plasmar emociones por estos lados. Decido hacerlo hoy porque hoy dia estoy cabal a medio camino de un proceso que aunque un poquitin dificil pues es maravilloso.

En mi crece un varoncito valiente, luchador y fusion de amor con favor. Gracias a Dios ya pasamos las semanas mas 'jodidas' y ahora la espera es mucho mas llena de alegria y esperanza. A veces pienso y todavia se me hace dificil de creer que tengo un ser creciendo dentro de mi pero luego lo siento y la incredulidad sale huyendo, esta dentro, esta creciendo y es querido desde mucho antes.

La alegria no se puede describir tan facilmente, pero es tan fuerte como el porque logra opacar momentos de tristeza cuando el vacio llega.

Mi pequeñin sera bienvenido por puro amor y cariño, a veces hasta pena me da, el pobre no sabe todo lo lindo que inspira y como me lo quieren ya. Mi sobrino esta feliz con su llegada porque aunque tarde y ya no pueda jugar mucho con el, pues me lo protegera. El feliz que sea varon porque segun el asi no tendra que meterse en muchos lios por defenderlo, porque si hubiera sido niña entonces si se hubiera metido en muchos lios defendiendola :).

Gracias a Dios, a la vida y porque no al ser que me hizo el 'favor' de dejarme esta semillita que ya ahora mide un poquitin mas de 10" y que es y sera siempre producto de sentimientos lindos y que definitivamente fue hecho con amor del lado debil de su mami.

Hasta prontito

Una que otra cabal en el clavo!

2006-09-05T08:56:00.000-05:00

Labios Compartidos
Maná

Amor mio
si estoy debajo del vaiven de tus piernas
si estoy hundido en un vaiven de caderas
esto es el cielo, es mi cielo

Amor Fugado
me tomas, me dejas, me exprimes y me tiras a un lado
te vas a otro cielo y regresas como los colibris
me tienes como un perro a tus pies

Otra vez mi boca insensata
vuelve a caer en tu piel
vuelve a mi tu boca y provoca
vuelvo a caer en tus pechos en tu par de pies

Labios compartidos
labios divididos mi amor
yo no puedo compartir tus labios
y comparto el engaño
y comparto mis dias y el dolor
ya no puedo compartir tus labios
oh amor oh amor compartido

Amor mutante
amigos con derecho y sin derecho de tenerte siempre
y siempre tengo que esperar paciente
el pedazo que me toca de ti
relampagos de alcohol
las voces solas lloran en el sol
mi boca en llamas torturada
me desnudas angel hada luego te vas

Otra vez mi boca insensata
vuelve a caer en tu piel de miel
vuelve a mi tu boca duele
vuelvo a caer en tus pechos en tu par de pies

Labios compartidos
labios divididos mi amor
yo no puedo compartir tus labios
que comparto el engaño y comparto mis dias y el dolor
ya no puedo compartir tus labios
que me parta un rayo
que me entierre el olvido mi amor pero no puedo mas
compartir tus labios compartir tus besos
labios compartidos

Te amo con toda mi fe, sin medida
te amo aunque estes compartida
tus labios tienen el control

te amo con toda mi fe, sin medida
te amo aunque estes compartida
y sigues tu con el control

Hasta pronto!

2006-08-06T18:28:00.000-05:00

Well ... for now it's hasta pronto!
Muchas cosas han pasado y es momento de retomar la tradicion del lapiz y el papel para un journal ... donde los pensamientos, sentimientos, emociones estaran mejor cuidados y guardados!

Talvez vuelva con sorpresas internas y hasta externas o importadas :) ... definitivamente si vuelvo por estos rumbos sera un poquitin transformada.

La escapadita al terruño estuvo linda y relajante y hasta esperanzadora, pude poner a un lado la generalizacion de los hombres salvadoreños y descubrir que hay (aunque contados) los que salvan la reputacion, hombres honestos capaces de enfrentar sus emociones y luchar por lo que quieren con uñas y dientes dandole una patada al que diran! ... obviamente las mujeres salvadareñas hemos sido siempre cachimbonas aunque el corazon nos traiciones mas de una vez pero eso nos igual nos fortalece! Pude despedirme con un hasta pronto tambien de mi querida P porque definitivamente los cambios que estan en miran nos cambiaran la vida y ojala seamos fuertes y logremos mantener y transformar segun sea necesaria esta amistad que tanto nos une y que tanto nos ha durado!

I have not cried!! ... but I can't hold it anymore! ... asi que hasta pronto!

Can I start a new chapter?!

2006-07-04T18:55:00.000-05:00

Well, it's now the 7th month of the year. I have to admitt that the first half was very active and satisfactory well in most aspect because there are still a couple in there that don't seem to get any better with time.

I saw him last night and I know I will miss him and I know it will be hard to finally let go but I think is finally time to be strong and wait for time to take its course transforming my feelings and making me stronger. Last night was absolutely MAGICAL! the whole ritual was different, I enjoyed every minute with him. I am afraid I could never feel all that if I just let him go but I just can keep up with the same situation any longer. I don't regret anything but I also believe I deserve more than the darkness of this relationship that has lingered for quite some time. My feelings are strong but I also have to be intelligent enough to find closure. I want to believe he has certain nice feelings towards me but there are stronger feelings in the rest of his life. He'll always be special. I don't have a list of men but when I met him there was the memory of the first who now is just a very lost memory in memory because what I've felt for A is much stronger and meaningful than anything else known before. He has alway made me feel like a real woman (last night more than any other night ;)) .... I know and I'm sure he does too that we have concluded our adventure, it was hard and it will continue to be hard but we'll always have mi angelita. She'll always be with me and therefore he'll always be with me.

I have tried this before and I always ended up letting my feelings (and passion) come first and never being succesful at not seeing him once again. I can not just have him as a FF - I want more and it's not marriage ... I just want him in my life, I want to share little and big things with him ... I want to discuss politics and I want to discuss futbol ... I want to be able to cry in front of him and not pretend it does not hurt ... this morning I was sure of my decision and it hurt but I could not cry until I was on the phone with a friend who was called me to invite me over to watch the game and I though wow I had no problem letting my guard down and crying a little bit with R but I had to protect myself with A ....

The mini is back to him now, that little thing was such a great companion these past months. I have to say that my journey of losing weight was less painful because of the mini who kept me company in moments when I was fighting with myself to be in the gym. The mini played a big role in my first goal. As the second half of the year starts changes are already taking place, my next goal is 5 more pounds (we'll see how productive last week was tomorrow when I weigh in) I know how to figure out how to compensate for the mini - probably with a nano, got to go over my budget and see.

I have to keep myself busy busy busy to make this new phase as less difficult as possible. I have to keep finding smiles whenever possible and I guess I would give the dating game a chance whenever the oportunity may arise.

As for now, my heart aches and cries silently.

Where is my car??

2006-06-30T08:54:00.000-05:00

It's been 51 days without my car :( ... I reached my car rental limit last week and I'm returning it today whether or not I get my car back - I refuse to keep paying for it. I still don't know if I will get my car or not, the guy has not called me back yet. I have this gut feeling that it won't be ready so I have a back up plan to go home this weekend. Anticipating a negative outcome I called my sis and asked her if she could come get me - she said yes I just need to know what the deal is with my car.

I hate not being able to fight back, I hate not been to get angry and demand things ... why do I have to understand? why do I have to be 'noble' as one of my guyfriends J describes me? He might be right after all, he says that because I'm that way people tend to take advantage. I know the guys at the shop are doing their best to get it done and I want to see a quality job not a mediocre one so I'm expecting great results - if that is not the case then I believe the evil me will finally emerge (hopefully there will be no need for that, not that my evil side is that scary either).

I want to be mean ... sometimes being nice is not nice.

As for the rest of me, well I'm wish I could just see him ... I miss him ...

I could've jumped!

2006-06-28T15:24:00.000-05:00

This morning after seeing the scale finally below those numbers that persecuted me for the past couple of weeks! I'm finally there!! I'm finally 30lbs lighter I could not jumped the same way I have celebrated many 'goles' in the World Cup but I was happy ... well I'm still happy even with my heart aching a little bit.

A new phase is now in the horizon so the new goal is to lose 5 lbs in the next 4 weeks ... we'll see how that goes! I'll get to cry or celebrate here.

The other side of the coin has my poor heart aching ... I just want to cry ... I just don't know what to do so that it does not hurt. I try my best not to let my guard down which is also a bad idea because I keep everything inside. I'm just completely afraid to be hurt but not talking and not expressing myself is also hurting. I want to experience certain reciprocity in the feelings I know I have but struggle to let them go. I wish I could just wake up one day and not feel all this or just face a different reality probably a little bit more pleasant and why not even with much more happy days ... I know I might as well just keep sleeping that way I might get it in dreams.

Why does it hurt right now? ... I don't know ... probably because I did not know how to say the right things ... probably because I'm just too concerned on getting hurt that I'm not letting my feelings flow ... but then again why would I do that if I see no sign of security? ... is like trying to bungee jump when there is no cable holding me and being scared of heights (which I am truly)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! why does it have to be this complicated? ... I should just open a little bit more the door to new probabilities, right now the door is open but not wide open ...

The hardest pound!!

2006-06-21T07:58:00.000-05:00

I just can't get past this freaking PLATEAU!! - this is the most difficult pound I have ever tried to lose :( ... well ... I guess the fact that my visits to the gym were not more than once or twice per week in the past three weeks for one reason or another - I guess that has a little to do with it. I know that I have not gone up (menos mal! otherwise I will be crying) yet I want to reach the 30lbs mark already ... I want to start the next attainable goal.

This week, I'm much more excited, I have gone to the gym the past two days and I'll be there today as well, as a matter of fact it looks like an exellent week to make the 5 days. Since the last time with my personal trainer 'S' I have lost 9lbs so hopefully this time around I can make it in the range of 6 to 11 lbs, and re-evaluate where I want to be. Hopefully, I will be able to see the difference by myself not just in the clothes or by comments people make but by finally realizing that I have indeed lost the weight that the scale and the clothes are suggesting.

I will put my very best to end this plateau for next week's weigh in.
:)

Just a little bit!

2006-06-16T13:42:00.000-05:00

Well things have a been strange lately, been going from sad, to happy in seconds overall things are going just well - nothing is perfect after all.
Presently, I am enjoying as much as I can the Soccer World Cup ... what can I say ... I just plain love FUTBOL!! ... watching the Cup just brings me back lots of wonderful memories ... I can go back as far as I can remember (trust me many many many years ago) following the games and the exitment around them. So it's been a great escape!!

I will be checking back later, as for now I'm still 1lb away from the 30 :( ... can I just say this is hard hard hard! ... :) ... but it's ok ... I will continue going at it and see if there is a moment when I see the difference and I decide to stay there. As for now, I will start personal training again next week for another month - hopefully I will be able to reach the -35 lbs then.

Got to go ... next game it's about to start ... I'm not watching it but I am following it :)

Conciencia historica ... really?!

2006-06-02T14:16:00.000-05:00

Si la vida es tan corta porque nos empeñamos en destruir el amor apegandonos a complejos y un sin fin de pretextos ... cuando en realidad lo que nos esta determinando es el miedo hijuesu a conjugar a plenitud los verbos VIVIR y AMAR con lo que realmente se tiene y se quiere ...

La Familia, la Propiedad Privada y el Amor

Silvio Rodriguez

El derrumbe de un sueño
algo hallado pasando
resultabas ser tú.
Una esponja sin dueño
un silbido buscando
resultaba ser yo.

Cuando se hallan dos balas
sobre un campo de guerra
algo debe ocurrir
que prediga el amor
de cabeza hacia el suelo
una nube vendrá
o estampidas de tiempo
los ojos tendrán.

Fue preciso algo siempre
y no fue porque tú
tenías lazos blancos en la piel
tú, tenías precio puesto desde ayer
tú, valías cuatro cuños de la ley
tú sentada sobre el miedo
de correr.

Una buena muchacha de casa decente no puede salir
que diría la gente el domingo en la misa
si saben de tí
que dirían los amigo
los viejos vecinos
que vienen aquí
Qué dirían las ventanas,
tu madre y su hermana
y todos los siglos de colonialismo español
que no en balde te han hecho cobarde
qué diría Dios
sin amas sin la Iglesia
y sin la ley
Dios, a quien ya te entregaste en comunión
Dios, que hace eternas las almas de los niños
que destrozarán las bombas y el napalm.

El derrumbe de un sueño
algo hallado pasando
resultabas ser tú
Una esponja sin dueño un silbido buscando
resultabas ser yo.

Busca amor con anillos
y papeles firmados
y cuando dejes de amar
ten presentes los niños
no dejes tu esposo
ni una buena casa
y si no se resisten
serruchen los bienes
que tienes derecho también
porque tú
tenías lazos blancos en la piel
tú, tenías precio puesto desde ayer
tú, valías cuatro cuños de la ley
tú sentada sobre el miedo
de correr.

A week ago!

2006-05-26T13:26:00.000-05:00

A week ago I was already smelling seawater and enjoying the wonderful company of two great girlfriends of mine. This was the second year we decided to get together for a girls weekend at the beach and we had an amazing time.

I enjoyed catching up and remembering old great times. I regret not talking as much with them during the year but it’s wonderful to just see them, hug them and pick up time as easily as saying their names. I’m extremely happy to have them as friends and to share a little bit of their life.

The place, the company, the weather (the same weather coordinator will be hired next year! ;)) was just outstanding and the relaxation and peace that came with all was just complementing nicely. There was indeed a favorite moment for me and it was captured as a ‘kodak moment’, one of them is pregnant with her first baby so we went to get some maternity clothes for her of she had the brilliant idea of us (the other two) to put on the fake pregnancy bellies provided in the store’s fitting rooms and to take a picture as if the three of us were pregnant. We asked the cashier at the store to take the picture, of course she could not stop laughing – don’t know exactly why? Was she laughing at us or with us? … hmmm!! … I’m sure a little bit of both either way, we did not care, we posed and we looked absolutely DIVINE! :).

We will be known as the judgers pregnant ladies of BB 

Cheers to life and friendship! Is it next year already?!

Labels!!

2006-05-24T12:11:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking since yesterday all this deal about labels, and how society loves to create new ones for everything and anything. The one I have been thinking mostly about has to do with my present project (weight loss). Up to now I have lost 28 pounds (my God! I can not believe it! – but that’s another story) In any case, it’s funny how according to my body fat percent I’m in an ‘acceptable’ category, according to my Body Mass Index (BMI) I’m in the borderline between overweight an obese and according to my current dress size I’m ‘moderately heavy’ – to mention a few … Personal trainers say that the body fat percent is what really tells the true story on someone's body and fitness.

I could be going crazy trying to fit well in all of them, like if I need any additional pressure along the process which has not been as painful as I thought originally. I am feeling great and healthy which I was already prior to this journey and there were many reasons to do it and now I can only continue forward but if I really cared about labels and categories then the stress level of this journey would be unbearable.

Well, I had to write about this since it has been bugging me since yesterday. I still need to talk about my relaxing weekend and the kick off of my next goal.

-25 lbs At last!!

2006-05-17T08:06:00.000-05:00

I'm so happy!! ... I already jumped a couple of times :) ... :) ... man! I have been waiting for a while to reach this mark now 5 to go for the next mark. May has been a great month so far and will continue to be.
:) ... I'll continue to have a great day. :)

First time this year!

2006-05-10T18:04:00.000-05:00

Wow!
it's actually the first week this year that I have not gone to the gym more than three times :( ... well it's been rough, working long days and dealing with my car accident :( ... I feel really bad for not going to the gym but right now the cramps are just not friendly so I will take it easy. I'm 1.5 lb away from the -25lbs :) that I should try to make it even for half hour right now so that I can get closer to that mark next week.

Asi como el clima .... gris!!

2006-05-08T13:00:00.000-05:00

NO ME ESCRIBAS MAS
Silvio Rodriguez

No me escribas más sin avisar,
no me escribas más de cosas que no vuelven,
no me escribas más así que me abandono,
no me escribas más, si después no vuelves,
no me escribas más, si después no vuelves.

No me digas más lo que pasó,
no me digas más que me enseñaste un río,
no me digas más que me suenan los dientes,
no me digas más que ya tengo frío,
no me digas más que ya tengo frío.

No te quiero ver sin corazón,
no te quiero ver como una cosa más,
no te quiero ver de nuevo brevemente,
no te quiero ver y después llorar,
no te quiero ver y después llorar.

No aparezcas más lejos de mí,
no aparezcas más, que tu sombra de palma,
no aparezcas más, que siempre me derrumbas,
no aparezcas más, tengo con tu fantasma,
no aparezcas más, tengo con tu fantasma.

Déjame cantar, como cante,
déjame cantar, dame un poco de tiempo,
déjame cantar fuera de tus fronteras,
déjame cantar a los cuatro vientos,
déjame cantar como si no te viera.

Que mejor cura que la trova!

2006-05-04T07:08:00.000-05:00

DIAS Y FLORES
Silvio Rodriguez

Si me levanto temprano,
fresco y curado,
claro y feliz,
y te digo: «voy al bosque
para aliviarme de ti»,
sabe que dentro tengo un tesoro
que me llega a la raíz.

Si luego vuelvo cargado
con muchas flores
(mucho color)
y te las pongo en la risa,
en la ternura, en la voz,
es que he mojado en flor mi camisa
para teñir su sudor.

Pero si un día me demoro, no te impacientes,
yo volveré más tarde.
Será que a la más profunda alegría
me habrá seguido la rabia ese día,
la rabia simple del hombre silvestre,
la rabia bomba, la rabia de muerte,
la rabia imperio asesino de niños,
la rabia se me ha podrido el cariño,
la rabia madre por dios tengo frío,
la rabia es mío, eso es mío, sólo mío,
la rabia bebo pero no me mojo,
la rabia miedo a perder el manojo,
la rabia hijo zapato de tierra,
la rabia dame o te hago la guerra,
la rabia todo tiene su momento,
la rabia el grito se lo lleva el viento,
la rabia el oro sobre la conciencia,
la rabia —coño— paciencia, paciencia.

La rabia es mi vocación.

Si hay días que vuelvo cansado,
sucio de tiempo,
sin para amor,
es que regreso del mundo,
no del bosque, no del sol.
En esos días,
compañera ponte alma nueva
para mi más bella flor.

Just weird!

2006-05-01T16:38:00.000-05:00

Monday:
I'm in a very weird mood, there is this part of me that is happy about what the nice weather brings - OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES!! yeah!! .... I can't wait for long bicycle rides, the long walks have started with my loyal and lovely dog, spending more time with friends just enjoying life more ... but of course there is that part that is just plain SAD and hopeless mainly because of the loneliness around my inner walls.

My weight loss is even in a platoo, well I've had a couple of bad weeks but I'm back on track again so this week should be very good.

I just got to fight my way into finding smiles

Tuesday:
Today it has been a much better day!! lots of smiles!!

Sin mas ni mas

2006-04-12T13:44:00.000-05:00

La Soledad

Pablo Milanés

La soledad
es un pájaro grande multicolor
que ya no tiene alas para volar
y cada nuevo intento da más
dolor.

La soledad
anida en la garganta para esperar
el grito que se arranca con su
cantar cuando llega el silencio
del desamor.

La soledad
a veces tiene ganas de acompañar
el rostro que recuerda mal
aquel amor que nunca fue para
soñar.

La soledad
inventa la más bella aparición
remueve los rincones del corazón
para quedarse sola la soledad...
con su niñez
su mocedad
con su vejez
para llorar
para morir
en soledad...

a sole

Finally! -20+

2006-03-29T11:39:00.000-05:00

It's been a little crazy, a rollercoaster of emotions lately from very happy just enjoying his sporadic presence and very nice moments together to shared sadness with S because of her best friend's passing. I admired her so much for her strength. S you and K are in my thoughts!

To happiness again to realize that I'm hopefull once again of a feeling I thought I could no longer have.

And now, I'm happy too because I have lost 20.5 lbs in this journey I started 11 weeks ago. Yeah!!

Knowing me the sadness and down times are around the corner but I won't worry about them until they are right in front of me in the mean time there are plenty of smiles in the air.

Be back later!

Not perfect after all!

2006-03-20T12:34:00.000-05:00

Well, one more weekend is gone and with it many great and not so great moments.
Saturday was a very interesting day, I got up a little 'blue' probably because I would have liked seeing A and it just did not happen. I was not as excited to go see R that evening any more, I did not go to my hair appointment, so I just went for a long walk to the park with my dog (my loyal companion). I kept postponing blow drying my hair all morning (I need at least 1hr to do so) after I came back from the park, my mood did not seem to improve at all, the couch and TV were becoming more and more attractive and comfortable each minute up to the moment my sis called me. She sounded energetic and asked me to join her at the mall, so I got up and went - that was what I needed to start feeling much better. I met with her and V and then E, I have decided not to spend too much money buying clothes (I'm losing so until I don't get to a size I feel great on I have to be smart and cheap in the buying department). They were at a store close to Victoria's (one of my weakness) and well I needed to buy a bra and I got me the new Angel one - my new favorite! ... it's the best thing ever! Of course I had to complement with panties.

Well I started writing this yesterday and now well my state of mind is different - as expected.

But let me try to recapture the moment ;) ... as we left Victoria's I got a phone call from O who told me that R had arrived and of course he put him thru and we talked a little and he asked me to meet them at night so I knew then that I was definitely going no more 'weird' moods or excuses not to go. I could not leave the mall at that point because I had to stop at the cingular store to see what options I had in order to get rid of my cell phone, D was there the same guy that had helped me last year (at a different location though!). At that point I was already feeling happy, thank God for the energy I get from my loving sis & friends, then R and then D added a little bit more of energy and happiness to my afternoon. I was able to 'upgrade' my phone - hopefully this one will last me more than one year. It was getting late and we were still in the mall so we quickly visited two more stores and run out of there.

At that point, my nerves were all over ... so I got home and got a couple of text message from A, I was tempted to just go with him and break my evening plans left and right - except from having dinner with my bro - but even as I felt bad I just couldn't.

Dinner was nice I love sharing any time with my bro, sis, V, & E and any other good friend that decides to come along, of course they were all teasing me because of my 'escape' which started by meeting R and the O's at a bar close to the place they had originally told me to meet them. They were surprise I got there by myself but one of the O's was the major reason no-one wanted to come along. Seeing R was nice but did not have the effect my nerves were anticipating, of course he was sweet and nice and a gentleman that I started to consider more emotions. We took a couple of pictures (which later got ruinned) and I really felt between three good friends but hoping for some kind of magic. We then had to drive to the other place, they offered me to leave my car there and ride with them but I knew it was not a good idea so I drove and as expected R offered to keep me company. The short drive and walks between parking lots and the places were not eventfull. He kept looking at me like waiting for something (or at least I felt that way).

We got to the dancing place and of course I was not going to say no to the opportunity to do some major cardio activity :) ... I started dancing with my lovable OC and then a friend of mine showed up, I had told him about me meeting with R, so he ended up showing up, I danced with him a couple of songs and then met with the original group again. At that point, OC and I were practicing a couple of salsa steps and R came and told him "prestamela ya mucho bailaste con ella" I was very surprise, and I figure here we go! he took me all the way to the middle of the dance floor and we started dancing. Yes it was different dancing with him that it was with OC and his eyes were just melting me away there were moments when we looked at each other and I was the one to look away because I just did not know what to do. I danced with him in a way I have not danced with anyone else before but I was not going to go for a 'first move' (it's just not in my nature yet) We danced long enough and to many different rithms (my God even reguetton which I hate!). We went back to the group and from that point on he became one more guy (not perfect at all), why?! ... well one particular girl who was someboby else's friend started to go for the 'first and some more moves' very openly and forward. He put no resistance - obviously! She started by asking him to dance, then asked him one more time and this time I did not see him come back, I was able to glance one of her trips up and down his neck.

So that's my R story this time ... he is still a great guy but a guy-friend nonetheless.

Update!

2006-03-15T17:16:00.000-05:00

Well it’s been almost two weeks without writing so here I am with my brief update of what has happened.

First, the gym! … my God! The ‘I Lost It At the Club’ program has ended, my last weigh in was on Monday and I was very excited because of the results: 17.5 lbs and 11% body fat lost in 8 weeks. This was my first week all by myself, and even though it’s intimidating I am planning to continue and probably invest in a personal trainer by the end of the month – we’ll see. As for now, my weigh ins will be on Wednesdays at work, I won’t be able to track my body fat percent loss (got to get me that scale soon!), I’m hopeful that the regular scale will move to reflect less weight every week. This week was not that productive I only lost 1 lb, I know 1 to 2 lbs per week is the healthy way to do it but still sometimes I wish the results were faster, in any case, now I’m 18.5 lbs lighter than Jan. 1^st this year – yeah!!.

Coming back to the program at the gym, yesterday I claimed my 2^nd place prize ($50 gift certificate in gym merchandise, including personal training) and they also took a picture (I tried to avoid this but I was unsuccessful). This might sound ok but the embarrassing detail was the following, there is a very cute guy I happen to see/notice very frequently at the gym who was a witness of all this, he was waiting for someone and was just hanging around the same spot where I was with the gym manager. I got no shot with him but still it was a little embarrassing (that’s not difficult for me since I tend to be very socially challenged), he is certainly a very pleasant reason to make my trip to the gym in days when my mind tries to drive me away from it, like today!

This past Monday, I had my first indoor soccer game, it was a blast! We won 4-3 after being down 0-3. It was worth missing 24!

I’m looking forward to this weekend; particularly Saturday … R will be in town! … I have not seen him for a whole year. He is the most amazing guy I have ever met. Meeting him 3 years ago brought me back to life after a year of a state of numbness that my painful loss left me with. He had come to spend a week vacation in MD with his best friend who happens to be a good friend of mine, I met him on a Saturday and from that moment on I saw him everyday until he left. We shared lots of great conversations, a couple of silent walks, a night of dancing, two movies, lots of laughs and smiles, God! He made me feel alive again just when I needed the most. There was opportunity to get physical, I believe we both wanted it but because of where each of us were emotionally and of course because I just did not have the guts to go for it, the physical intimacy just did not happen :(. I thought too much (as usual) and was afraid of God knows what!. In any case, he left me feeling great, nice memories and with a beautiful dozen of yellow roses (see meaning below), which I still keep. I told myself I could not settle for anything but the best when it came to a loving relationship where romance would be a vital part. R’s role in my life was to let me see the light again, to see that life was worth living with its sadness and happiness together. He went back to his country and his life and I stayed to face life with a much lively approach once again!. I saw him last year, I visited his country during “Semana Santa” and stayed in his place in the way to and from the island I had as a final destination. He could not be any sweeter and nicer the few minutes I got to see him. We might not get to spend much time together this coming Saturday but I will see him nonetheless, my heart will be happier. Life put him in my life as one more valuable gift of friendship.

“Yellow roses signify strong feelings of pure joy, gladness, happiness and friendship, but were once used to convey jealousy. Friendship is the main meaning of the yellow rose but it also signifies familiar love and domestic happiness. Yellow roses also symbolize fun and freedom. Today, the yellow rose is used to embrace a new beginning, apologize or express sympathy, and to say, "remember me", "I am sorry', or "I care." Yellow roses are appropriate for marking the beginning of a new life together or for starting all over again. A Yellow rose with red tip indicates friendship falling in love.”

Starting to Believe!

2006-03-03T11:01:00.000-05:00

It’s Friday and is the birthday weekend for two of my much loved ones (mom and V) yet my mind has decided to put this sad emotion on me this morning. I’m pretty sure I know the reason of this sadness, and as I think more and more the words this guy told me last year come to mind “… you have this wall around you that does not make it easier for people to get close to you …” He got me thinking and of course I knew it was true but did not care much because I was not interested in getting any closer anyway but now what I have realized is that this damn wall can get so tight around me that I can hardly breathe at times. This morning was a very typical case …. I know it was the product of a conversation I had last night with K. I talked about one of my deepest emotions and I pretended to be this strong woman who won’t let people see her cry, so the emotions were strong but I held them back and disconnected from them, went to sleep and to then face sadness to the maximum exponent this morning when the tears could not be stopped any longer (but no one was watching – so it was ok).

In the process of writing this, I’m feeling much better but because I just got this cheerful phone call just in time … I’m back to wanting to smile and laughing … Thank you V for helping me find a smile this morning!

I think we’ll have a great weekend! :)

I will work harder on tearing this wall down.

Emotional Monday!

2006-02-28T14:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a very emotional day, well I think that my mind played a cathartic moment with me and motivated me to express one of the sad subjects I had been thinking about for a while.

It's a little complicated because I'm happy at the same the same time that I'm sad. One of my best friends and my travel partner has finally let herself be loved by her soul mate, theirs is a very romantic story and I take pride on calling this union way before it happen they were just too scared to face their feelings for each other. In any case, that makes me happy because she deserves the wonderful love she is experiencing right now and then some much more ... of course the but has to come at some point so here it is .... BUT that means that I no longer have my travel partner because things will change and yes I pray and hope our friendship will remain strong and will adjust to the change I do get scared to lose her ... here they come again ... I can't help these tears from flowing ... I'm usually not this emotional and tears rarely flow down my face but the idea of distancing from her just scares me. I know it will be ok and we'll both work on keeping our friendship to the same quality we have right now we just don't travel together anymore. Well, as she put it we have to have our 'despedida' this year so we are starting to plan it.

Sunday was a very happy day probably too happy and then at night I was thinking about how much I like to see him even though I know I shouldn't ... and I guess I went to sleep thinking about that and about not having P around to plans trips anymore and my mind woke up to a very Blue Monday .... but then by the time I left work I went to my first indoor soccer practice and got to charge with a lot of positive energy ... my right leg is all bruised up and down but it was fun and I'm looking forward for the season which starts in two weeks ... so feeling much better I headed down to the gym for my 7th (out of 8) week weigh in to find out that I have lost a total of 17 lbs and 7% body fat!!!!!!!! ... that put another big smile on my face because the goal was 16 lbs in the 8 weeks of the program. After next Monday, I will be on my own applying what I have been working on these weeks and my motivation is still up so I believe I will be able to reach a reasonable goal by myself ... well I have to give credit to the mini, my God that little thing has helped me A LOT!! It's what disconnects me from the fears I face at the gym ... if the mini was to leave me I will have to rush to find me something to replace him even though nothing else will have the meaning of this one which I happen to love.

ok ... got to go

Hormonal Mistery!

2006-02-20T11:11:00.000-05:00

My God! ... I know it's wonderful to be a woman but of course it's also misterious and painful the way female hormones behave.

My physical symptoms starting warning me about that time that should be every month but since I'm overall special :) my body has its own schedule and way to go about, in any case I knew it had been a while since my last visit so the next one should be close - I thought Wednesday as my breast got sensible with the switching of my regular bra for my sport bra at the gym. Then Friday my mood started to kick in and my male tolerance level was in the negative zone, the one that really suffered that was D ... hehehehe ... poor thing! ... he is one of the best co-workers I've had yet Friday he saw a very dark side of me but as his usual self he only laughed and was a little clueless why I was being such a bitch, of course he did something to spark that it was not completely a out of nothing. As the weekend went by I had an attitude problem ... hehehehe .... which I believe is funny because it's very opposite to my 'normal', 'usual' me.

The weekend is over and so is the bad mood but which has now transform in painful cramps accompanied by the long awaited red visitor :(

Hope the afternoon is better than the morning :)

January gone - 8lbs!!

2006-02-02T16:42:00.000-05:00

Obviously I don't have much time to keep writing as much as I would like to but now I have this great new motivation. As a matter of fact, I hadn't feel this convinced and determined to fight my weight as much as I am now. I'm falling in love with the idea of a healthier me, so as my first reward I have said my goodbye's to the first month of 2006 with 8 lbs lighter and with a reduced body fat percent which according to the trainer should be my main concern - to reduce that percentage.

I'm presently half way on my kick off program of 8 weeks where I'm learning tools to then continue on my own - well if I think I need aditional help I would probably pay for a trainer for a couple of more weeks.

Either way, I'm excited and willing to continue working hard for a more healthly and happy me! :)

I'm aiming for February to lose the same amount of pounds or more if possible but I know that 2 pounds per week is the healthy way to go.

yeah!!

New Year - Old emotions!

2006-01-03T17:44:00.000-05:00

Well, it's a New Year and the whole excitement about it has faded away already. I believe is great to pick this time to set up new goals and evaluate where we are but anyday can actually be the beginning of a new set of self standards. The funny thing is that I personally can set my own standards one day and then change them the next day - probably one of the advantages/disadvantages of being a woman.

This would be the most randomly thing I've ever written just because I am a little confused and the questions keep popping up from my head and I don't find a concrete answer to make them stop.

I really don't feel anything differently than three weeks ago. I have old (very old) emotions floating around and making me think, and making me feel like that brick wall I had consciously built is not as strong as I thought.

I certainly don't want a New Year's night fling, that's why I did not let it happen. I don't want the weakness of settling for a random visit which comes with no given reason or known emotion - yet I did let this happen.

I guess there is a another transition happening with me now .......... aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!! ... I hope it's just PMS!

Sentimientos compartidos

2005-12-22T16:40:00.000-05:00

Arjona is back!! His new CD http://www.ricardoarjona.com is now part of a lovely solitude that because of life itself is no longer a big load to carry ...

Acompañame a estar solo
(Ricardo Arjona)

Acompañame a estar solo,
a purgarme los fantasmas,
a meternos en la cama sin tocarnos,
acompañame al misterio
de no hacernos compañia,
a dormir sin pretender que pase nada,
acompañame a estar solo.

Acompañame al silencio,
de charlar sin palabras,
a saber que estás ahora y yo a tu lado,
acompañame a lo absurdo
de abrazarnos sin contacto,
tú en tu sitio y yo en el mío,
como un angel de la guarda
acompañame a estar solo.

Acompañame
a decir sin palabras
lo bendito que es tenerte
y serte infiel solo con la soledad,
acompañame
a quererte sin decirlo,
a tocar sin rosar,
ni el reflejo de tu piel a contraluz,
a pensar en mi para vivir por ti,
acompañame a estar solo.

Acompañame a estar solo
para calibrar mis miedos,
para envenenar de a poco mis recuerdos,
parar quererme un poquito
y asi quererte como te quiero,
para desintoxicarme del pasado,
acompañame a estar solo.

Acompañame
a decir sin palabras
lo bendito que es tenerte
y serte infiel solo con la soledad,
acompañame
a quererte sin decirlo,
a tocar sin rosar,
ni el reflejo de tu piel a contraluz,
a pensar en mi para vivir por ti,
acompañame a estar solo.

Y si se apagan las luces,
y si se enciende el infierno,
y si me siento perdido,
se que tu estaras conmigo,
con un beso de rescate
acompañame a estar solo.

This song is the best reason to try to share and vent where writen words later remind me of emotions that come and go just like you and I.

Mis Respetos Señor Galeano

2005-10-19T10:40:00.000-05:00

Palabras de Eduardo Galeano en el acto de entrega del
Doctorado Honoris Causa al escritor uruguayo,
conferido por la Universidad de El Salvador

Querida señora Rectora María Isabel Rodríguez, queridos profesores y autoridades de la Universidad, legisladores, embajadores, estudiantes, queridos todos. No es por mala voluntad lo que yo dije lo de los 10 minutos sino porque yo me siento obligado a predicar con el ejemplo y siempre he dicho que en América Latina la inflación palabraria es más grave que la inflación monetaria….y que nos hace bastante más daño que la inflación monetaria, entonces, como
además a las seis voy a hacer una lectura larga de obras diversas y después dialogar con el público, me parece que no corresponde martirizarlos por mucho tiempo, pero tomé unas anotaciones de algo que podría ser el esquema de una intervención que ojalá pueda durar más de 10 minutos para no defraudar a mis amigos, pero no sé cuanto va a durar.

Yo había anotado algunas cositas como temas posibles en este agradecimiento que quiero hacer ahora. Primero señalar que las fechas coinciden, que hay algunas coincidencias interesantes. Hoy es 12 de octubre, no se si les suena. Un 12 de octubre el almirante Colón llegó hasta unas islas por aquí cerquita, creyó que estaba en la espalda del Asia, llamó indios, pensando que eran de la India a esos seres desnudos y cordiales que se le acercaron y como no entendió lo que decían
creyó que no sabían hablar. Yo me siento muy honrado, alegre estoy de que esta universidad me reciba tan cariñosamente como si fuera su hijo porque esta universidad ha defendido el sagrado derecho de los salvadoreños de hablar con voz propia, a pensar con la propia cabeza, a sentir con el propio corazón y a caminar con las propias piernas y por defender ese derecho se ha negado a morir una y mil veces cada vez que las embestidas militares han querido matarla.

Pero hay otras coincidencias que ya Eduardo les contó que yo tuve mis dudas sobre si correspondía venir en circunstancias tan trágicas para este país castigado una vez más por eso que llaman catástrofes naturales y lo anoté como tema posible porque me parece, ya a todas luces evidente, de que estas catástrofes tienen poco o nada de naturales; están castigando ahora como nunca al planeta entero y se ensañan en particular con algunas regiones como América Central, pero es impresionante como se están multiplicando por todas partes, cada vez más intensamente los terremotos, los huracanes, las sequías, las inundaciones, las lluvias incontrolables. Me parece que cabe conversar un poquito sobre esta coincidencia que creo que es muy reveladora porque lo que más me llama la atención a mí es que éstas son siempre catástrofes mata pobres, entonces, yo me pregunto: ¿tan jodida será la naturaleza, tan mala que castiga a los más desamparados?. Y me pregunto también: ¿estará loca la naturaleza que está haciendo lo que hace. Loca de remate, le falta un tornillo o varios? Y me pregunto también: ¿será loca de nacimiento?. Y ahí me entra la duda porque digo: si la naturaleza fuera loca de
nacimiento resultaría inexplicable que al cabo de tantos miles y miles de años hayamos podido llegar más o menos vivos para reunirnos ahora y conversar esta mañana aquí. La respuesta me parece que está siendo cada vez más clara, que la mala, la perversa no es la naturaleza y que la loca tampoco. Aunque a la naturaleza los responsables le echan la culpa, dicen que es ella la culpable. Yo lo escucho eso, cuando le echan la culpa a la naturaleza como si el huracán se
quejara de que los árboles le pegan, como una expresión más del mundo al revés, porque perversa no es la naturaleza, no tiene el menor interés en castigar a los pobres, sino que perverso es el sistema que lo fabrica y los condena a la muerte temprana. Y loca la naturaleza no está, la volvieron loca, son los dueños del planeta la que la han enviado en línea recta al manicomio. El clima ha sido enloquecido por los dueños del planeta que han deforestado al mundo y han envenenado el aire. Y también me pregunto si ¿serán catástrofes naturales?. Otras cosas que estamos también acostumbrados a recibir como si fueran inevitables, por ejemplo la injusticia o por ejemplo la violencia. ¿Serán la violencia y la injusticia catástrofes naturales?, ¿estará la condición humana condenada a injusticia perpetua y a perpetua violencia?. Vale la pena preguntárselo por lo menos en un mundo que destina a la industria de la muerte, o sea a los gastos militares, dos mil doscientos millones de dólares por día. Y ahí discrepan los expertos pero no mucho, algunos dicen que alcanzaría con diez días, otros con doce, otros con quince, pero
de ahí no pasan. Diez, doce, quince días que el mundo se olvidara de matar, por un ratito no más, por un par de semanitas para que tuvieran tanto los niños que en el mundo padecen hambre, para que tuvieran techo los niños que no tienen amparo y para que pudieran encontrar remedios y curación los que mueren de enfermedad curable.

Hay un sistema injusto que genera pobreza, la pobreza es uno de los factores de la violencia y la violencia que tiende a multiplicarse en el mundo de hoy hasta niveles de locura, ahí pasa lo mismo que pasa con el clima. No sólo el clima ha sido enviado al manicomio, la lista sería larga pero por recordar así a vuelo de pájaro les sugiero a ustedes que piensen la extraña coincidencia en estos últimos años; las vacas locas, la gente loca, el clima loco, la locura de la violencia desatada por todas partes, el terrorismo impune que campean el mundo, y cuando habla de terrorismo me refiero sobre todo al atentado terrorista más grave de los últimos años que ha sido y sigue siendo la guerra de Irak que ese sí que es un atentado terrorista de magnitud enorme y de peligrosísimas consecuencias porque este país invadido es hoy por hoy un vivero de terroristas, el terrorismo de Estado es el papá y la mamá de todos los demás terrorismos. Se nos impide ver la guerra de Irak como un acto continuo de terrorismo por la sencilla razón de que estamos ciegos ante las evidencias más evidentes del mundo de hoy, ciegos en gran medida por
causa de los medios que se ocupan de taparnos los ojos y taparnos los oídos también, y por culpa de una estructura universal que es racista; hay ciudadanos de primera, de segunda, de tercera, de cuarta y por lo tanto también hay muertos de primera, de segunda, de tercera, de cuarta. Fíjense ustedes -vale la pena el paréntesis creo- que según los cálculos más conservadores la guerra de Irak ha matado a 25 mil civiles, en su mayoría mujeres y niños, entonces, yo lo propongo siempre como ejercicio a los demás, a los amigos, plantearse la posibilidad de que las cosas ocurran al revés, o sea, que hubiera pasado si Irak hubiera invadido Estados Unidos con el pretexto de que en Estados Unidos había armas de destrucción masiva, que en ese caso sí es cierto, ahí no hubiera sido un pretexto infame hubiera sido verdad que las tiene, claro, y hubiera matado el equivalente de esos 25 mil iraquíes en proporción a la población que da mucho más
de 300 mil personas, 300 mil víctimas inocentes de una invasión iraquí de los Estados Unidos, en su mayoría mujeres y niños. El mundo hubiera demorado milenios en olvidar, hubiera sido un escándalo de aquí a la eternidad y con razón, pero en cambio, como se trata de Irak, de un país de eso que llaman tercer mundo, habitado por gentes de tercera categoría, donde los que mueren son muertos de tercera también, ya nos hemos acostumbrado a vivirlo como si fuera normal. Este es un mundo que transpira violencia por todos los poros. Yo no quiero, por supuesto, exonerar de ninguna responsabilidad a los delincuentes que hoy por hoy están aterrorizando gente en las calles de El Salvador o del Uruguay o de todos los países del mundo, pero simplemente me permitiría a atreverme a sugerir que quizás esos delincuentes que carecen de escrupulos como lo prueban sus métodos atroces y sus fines perversos, carecen también de imaginación porque lo que hacen es copiar a los modelos del éxito y los modelos del éxito en el mundo de hoy son modelos muy violentos. Vean ustedes quiénes dirigen el mundo por ejemplo, los que de verdad tienen la sartén por el mando, son los cinco países con derecho de veto en el Consejo de Seguridad y eso es intocable. Habían anunciado que quizás se reformaría para ponerse al día. De reformas nada. El derecho de veto de los cinco países dominantes es un derecho sagrado y esos son los cinco países que velan por la paz, y esos cinco países que velan por la paz mundial son también los principales fabricantes de armas, o sea que velan por la paz los hacen el negocio de la guerra, y me pregunto: ¿eso no será delincuencia también? Aunque
nos hayamos acostumbrado a considerarlo normal, aunque sea legal ¿no será criminal que los que hacen el negocio de la guerra se ocupen de velar por la paz mundial y tomen las decisiones en nombre de todos, cinco países en nombre de todos los demás? Son los modelos del éxito, como son los modelos del éxito las empresas que más ganancias dan que son las que más envenenan la tierra, el agua, el aire; como son modelos del éxito los expertos de los organismos
internacionales "filantrópicos" como el Banco Mundial, el Fondo Monetario Internacional, que no velan por la paz sino por los pobres del mundo como dice un cartel a la entrada del Banco Mundial, es un banco que se ocupa de socorrer a los pobres y de ayudar a los desamparados. Pero estos "filántropos", estas gentes de "corazón de oro" no estarán ejerciendo la delincuencia en la más vil de sus formas. Esos tecnócratas, esos expertos ¿en qué se distinguen de los mareros?, claro no llevan tatuajes, no tienen cicatrices, se visten mejor, andan bastante más
presentables. Eso hay que reconocer, pero fíjense que su actividad no se distingue demasiado. Secuestran países, violan soberanía, roban derechos, asesinan salarios ¿en qué se distinguen?, ¿eso es o no es una actividad criminal? ¿el descuartizamiento del Estado en los países pobres es o no es un acto criminal, cuando desampara todavía más a los más desamparados en nuestras poblaciones, en nuestras castigadas sociedades?. En todo caso habría que exigir un copy right, o sea que los mareros y todos estos bandidos paguen derechos de autor a los dueños del mundo que son los que han inventado lo que ellos hacen. Y lo mismo con otras cosas que yo había anotado hoy así con un poquito de apuro para no hablar tan breve y no quedar tan mal, pero lo mío es más bien el telegrama. Yo había anotado también un tema que a mí me preocupa mucho que es la sangría de jóvenes, la padece el Uruguay que ha perdido a los jóvenes, los jóvenes se
han ido, se siguen yendo, esperamos que ahora con este nuevo gobierno se abran otras posibilidades para que los muchachos se puedan quedar sin tener que buscar afuera lo que su tierra les niega, pero es también el drama de El Salvador y el drama del Ecuador y el drama de muchísimos países del mundo y de América Latina en particular, la hemorragia de la población joven. Y eso también tendemos a convertirlo en costumbre, a aceptarlo como algo natural, una catástrofe natural, otra más, otra catástrofe natural. ¿Será natural esta catástrofe? ¿no podemos ofrecerles a los jóvenes otra cosa que no sea la promesa del paraíso a cambio de la humillación y del desarraigo? Es éste un gran desafío que tenemos todos planteado, sólo podremos hacerle
frente a ese desafío si advertimos hasta qué punto no es natural esta catástrofe, hasta qué punto implica una traición a los principios básicos que han hecho posible el nacimiento y el desarrollo de nuestros países desde el principio de sus tiempos.

Para resumir les quería decir, estoy muy contento de que me hayan hecho Doctor Honoris Causa en esta tierra y en esta universidad, la verdad es que estoy contentísimo y muy emocionado, tan contento que me parece que me va a crecer el pelo en cualquier momento.

Tierra de bravos, universidad de líderes, como para no estar contento. Pienso en algunos amigos que fueron mi manera de estar en El Salvador aunque yo no haya estado, manera de estar sin estar estando, estando en la gente, en las personas que somos de carne y hueso pero de tierra también; Claribel Alegría, que es idéntica a su nombre, es un caso raro. Claribel es Claribel Alegría, o sea se parece a su nombre, no hay que decir más nada; la dulce Marianela, a quien conocí; Monseñor Romero a quien no conocí pero de cuyas palabras y actos supe desde hace mucho, mucho tiempo; Miguelito Marmol a quién sí conocí, fue protagonista principal del tercer tomo de mi trilogía "Memoria del Fuego" porque yo encontré en él la metáfora perfecta de lo que América Latina es, una tierra capaz de morir y resucitar de manera incesante en un proceso de nacimientos y renacimientos prodigiosos. En "Memorias del Fuego" yo conté a partir del libro de Roque once resurrecciones y cuando con mi mujer Elena nos encontramos con Miguelito en La Habana hace años, ya él estaba furioso porque decía que le habíamos robado tres resurrecciones, que él había resucitado 14 veces. 14 parece un número mágico acá, de familias, volcanes y las resurrecciones de Miguelito. Y Miguelito decía que él había resucitado 14 veces y no 11, yo creo que sigue resucitando todavía, que se hace el muerto pero que sigue naciendo
todo el tiempo Miguelito, que encarnó tan bien lo que es esa tierra nuestra, esa tierra atormentada, mutilada, humillada, asesinada que sin embargo sigue siendo capaz de nacer y de nacer y de seguir naciendo. Y Roque, Roque Dalton, un hermano. ¡Que estúpidos fueron los asesinos de Roque que creyeron que podían asesinar a esa invencible, a esa inmortal capacidad de belleza y de humor y de amor, que estúpidos fueron!... ¡que estúpidos!

En este mundo, en este tiempo, las catástrofes dicen ser naturales y las desgracias dicen ser fatalidades del destino. Esta universidad de la que ahora formo parte no comparte esa manera resignada de ver las cosas porque cuando las universidades están de veras identificadas con su tierra y con su gente, cuando no flotan en el aire como si fueran otro planeta, educan para la libertad y no para la impotencia, educan para la dignidad y no para la obediencia. No nos enseñan a aceptar la realidad sino que nos estimulan a cambiar porque el destino, no, no es cosa de los dioses ni de los diablos, el destino es el camino, no hay más destino que el camino, el camino que abrimos nosotros las personitas, los vivientes, los andantes. La libertad, educar para conquistar y defender la libertad, la libertad que es una puerta, una posibilidad, una responsabilidad y sobre todo una puerta…

Un compatriota mío, amigo del compatriota, un uruguayo amigo tuvo preso unos cuantos años allá durante casi toda la dictadura militar y sólo conversaba con la puerta de su celda así que se la aprendió de memoria. Cuando por fin salió de la cárcel y recuperó la libertad por casualidad en una casa de remates la encontró. La cárcel se había convertido en un mall, en un shoping center y habían rematado, entre otras cosas, habían enviado a remate las puertas, era una
puerta enorme de manera y de hierro invulnerable a cualquier tentativa de fuga y él la vio y la
reconoció, no bien la vio y la reconoció, porque la conocía muy pero muy bien. Reconocía todos los tajitos, los garabatos, las cicatrices, todo lo que las manos humanas y las manos del tiempo habían ido dibujando en esa puerta de una celda de una cárcel, y gracias a la ayuda de unos cuantos amigos, mi amigo pudo comprar la puerta y se la llevó a la casa y ahí la tiene ahora frente a la casa, al lado de afuera, en lo alto de una colina, y le colgó un cartel, el sol ilumina ese cartel cada mañana, ese cartel que dice: ¡prohibido cerrar!….gracias.

Sigo aqui

2005-10-17T21:36:00.000-05:00

bueno ya los animos van p' arriba - gracias a Dios y a mi angelita quien es por la que tambien ando ahi mero achicopalada. Todavia sigo en el trabajo pero ya casi me voy y aunque con un gran cargo de conciencia por no haber ido al gym porque total a mi clase de belly dancing no podia por el trabajo pero al gym si hubiera podido ir ahorita - pero me entro la hueva! ahi me ire a hacer un poquitin de yoga antes de irme a descansar ... o por lo menos meditar y olvidarme de este mundo por un momento.

Soy asi mero rara pues estar sola y no hablar de los sentimientos es como me repongo a mi manera ... a mi pobre mara no le queda otra que aguantarme estos dias en que me aislo de ellos.

tengo hambre!
me voy

Aqui un poquitin triste!

2005-10-17T10:24:00.000-05:00

Bueno hoy me inspira escribir en español talvez para ahuyentar aquellos que por una razón u otra ya saben quien soy.

El fin de semana la pase bien pero sintiendome un poquitin 'rara' ... tengo una tristeza encima que se pelea conmigo mismo porque no quiero estar asi pero en la soledad ya no hay que detenga a las lagrimas, la frustacion, las ganas de estar en otra parte, las ganas de ser alguien mas ... en fin ... en la soledad soy quien siento ser.

Se que sera una semana dificil y aunque tratare de animarme de una u otra manera pues igual hoy es uno de esos dias donde simplemente estoy viva sin realmente vivir.

Re-apareciendo!!

2005-10-13T21:49:00.000-05:00

Well here I am again after 23 days of being missing in action. So many things have happened and that I have felt deeply, it's just been a whole roller coaster of emotions trying to be a person with some 'social conscious' while I'm enjoying to the max the ability of 'reducing' my reality to just what really goes on around me. Complicated!

In any case, my social conscious will remain quiet in this blog so let me write about simple-everyday-me and what has happened in the past few days.

October has started being a great month for me, this great couple has taken me as their roommate and it's just great! The peace I have enjoyed these past two weeks has been great to the point of sleeping thru the night without waking up for no particular reason. It's funny my ex-roommate just made a comment about how I seemed happier and 'prettier' after moving in with my new 'landcouple'. This comment came as an interruption of a conversation I was having with my friend S. at work where it has been so hectic for all of us that I had not had the opportunity to tell her about this past weekend when we celebrated my sister's 30th birthday.

The celebration was great, it started Friday night with a girls night out starting at a my sis's favorite bar in Gaithersburg (Guapo's), as we were there enjoying each other's company a good friend of mine called me and just asked me where I was and then he said "I'll be there soon" ... That's what happens with great friends they don't ask they just do :). I figure it would be ok with the girls as well and I was right, he is the only 'metrosexual' friend I got (thank God he does not do his eyebrows) so we can be very girlish with him and he just goes along with no problem. Out of all the conversations we had, the one we enjoyed the most was of course talking about what pleases women and men in bed ... This whole night deserves an exclusive post which will come back later.

Let me just write about the following day, Saturday was a little stressful in the morning trying to coordinate schedules to set up and cook for the birthday party - everything turned out great, we were ready when the first person showed up. Everything was going well, our usual friends were with us despite of the crappy weather, the music was always there stimulating the dancing atmosphere. I ended up being the designated bartender so everyone was happy with what they were getting to drink (got almost everyone drunk) of course the food was buffet style to eat as we pleased. As things progressed, I was in the middle of what at that point was the dancing room ;) and I'm enjoying the music and just caressing dancing movements when I felt this stare directly to me so I acknowledge my friend sending the stare and he looked at me as he had never done before so I paused my caressing dance and asked "what?" and he did not voice an answer on the contrary he signed one - he indicated with his head to go with him ... I was so confused that did not think much of it, and went to the kitchen to prepare more drinks, then about 20 minutes later he came to find me and grabbed my hand and starting pulling me towards a hallways that took to the bedrooms ... damn!! at that point I was still thinking he was being 'funny' ....

Let me add a little bit of background here, there had been certain attraction between the two of us that we have incorporated in our friendship but nothing physical had happened in about 7 years of knowing each other. About two years ago, we had the opportunity to have a night of lust and passion obviously both knowing that no relationship was to come out of that - bare in mind that he was 25 then and I was 32. In that occasion we ended up sharing a bed only, NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED ... yes I did not insinuate much that night but 'HELLO! I had said earlier that evening: 'we'll sleep together tonight - fair game!" so to me that was more than enough for him to understand that I wanted him that night ... I woke up a little angry, what the hell?? ... He was all talk and no action, of course my mind was going all directions and not to boost my self steem to say the least, when I finally asked him what had happened he said that he did not want to risk losing our friendship over a night ... so I believed him and we went back to be ok with each other like before.

Ok, so he is being funny right? (back to this past Saturday) ... so another friend was coming from the bathroom which was in that same direction and I recuperated my hand and just walk to the kitchen to prepare ME a drink! ... Then he came to the kitchen and as soon as it was only the two of us in there he grabbed my hand and took me to one of the rooms (one that is being used as an office), so he started telling me 'you are always saying that I'm just talk and no action' so here I am ... now tell me who is the one just talking ... I could not believe it!! ... As he is saying this he is taking his pants down and I'm just laughing because my brain was in some type of shock obviously I did not find this to be at all sexy or stimulating - so he kept telling me "ok here I am, don't you want me" ... I said "no, and much less like this" so his drunken mind acted on those words and he came closer to me and started to whisper - my nervous laugh decides to go quiet - and I started to contemplate the idea of just going along and probably enjoying a little bit but as soon as he started to try to undress me - I'm like 'HELL NO!! ... yes I am going to some sexual drought here but I'm not about to do it here like this' - this is what I'm telling myself, I only said to him "stop, not here, not like this", so he grabbed my hand and made me felt him - I pulled my hand away and repeated "not here, not like this" so he said - "you see at the end you are the one who is only talk, now how the hell do I go back outside being this hard?" ... that's when my laugh came back .... I could not help it and starting laughing again ... but then a heavy silent overcame the room ... I could not just walk out because he was blocking the door so I waited until he considered it was ok to come out ...

After that, the party continue and for a good hour I was avoiding him then I felt better and danced with him and acted like nothing had happened ... when he left the party he said he'll call to let me know he got home ok or he'll call me the next day - he never did! but I'm sure he is ok and that he got home ok as well.

Yes, I had the opportunity to have a 'good time' but I guess deep down I'm still silly enough to want some type of romanticism involved in my next time - damn! at least some type of nice foreplay!

ok. I will be back with more right now I have to head down to the gym!

Buscando inspiracion!

2005-09-21T09:51:00.000-05:00

Well, the following is the last song I heard this morning on my way to work, and since I like it a lot I decided to just blog it.

Un mundo mejor
(La Oreja De Van Gogh)

El tiempo ha pintado las calles del mismo color
y tú te defiendes del hambre con una sonrisa y amor.
Las casas parece que miran pidiendo perdón
y todo comienza a bailar cuando ya no vigila el sol.
Quiero escuchar tu voz cantando en un mundo mejor.
Quiero encontrarte a ti sonriendo a la vida si no te sonríe ella a ti.

Dime niña de ojos tristes,
recuerdas aquel viejo barco que tanto quisiste,
donde tú y el mar hablabais de libertad,
de una escalera a la luna quizá,
de un mundo que no deje nunca de hacernos soñar.

Los coches se arrastran dejando detrás un olor
que ahoga a turistas sin alma bebiendo en sus vasos de ron.
Un niño pregunta si la libertad es así
y suena una vieja habanera que le cuenta un cuento sin fin.
Quiero escuchar tu voz cantando en un mundo mejor.
Quiero encontrarte a ti sonriendo a la vida si no te sonríe ella a ti.

Dime niña de ojos tristes,
recuerdas aquel viejo barco que tanto quisiste,
donde tú y el mar, hablabais de libertad,
de una escalera a la luna quizá,
de un mundo que no deje nunca de hacernos soñar.

No digas nada, sólo es un ángel jugando a vivir.
Vuelve a sonreír por mí.
Por eso dime niña de ojos tristes,
recuerdas aquel viejo barco que tanto quisiste,
donde tú y el mar, hablabais de libertad,
de una escalera a la luna quizá,
de un mundo que no deje nunca de hacernos soñar.

El pasado presente!

2005-09-20T09:33:00.000-05:00

This Shakira song made me think of you this morning as I headed to work earlier than usual. Cheers to the memories!

"En Tus Pupilas"
Quand tu, quand tu me prends dans tes bras
Quand je regarde dans tes yeux
Je vois que Dieu existe
C' est pas dur croire

Antes de conocerte el mundo era plano
Aunque lo discuta usted Señor Galilei
Y me canse de besar ranas en vano
Pero el príncipe azul
Jamás no encontré

Y así llegaste tu
Devolviéndome la fe
Sin poemas y sin flores
Con defectos con errores
Pero en pie

Y siento
Algo en ti algo entre los dos
Que me hace insistir
Cuando miro en tus pupilas se que Dios no dejo de existir
Tu lo haces vivir
Tu lo haces vivir

La vida es una colección de recuerdos
Pero a nada como tu recuerdo tan bien
Desde la redondez de tus labios
Al olor de tu pelo
Al color de tu piel

No pienses que te iras y me voy a resignar
Eres lo mejor que me ha pasado
Entre lo mundano y lo sagrado
Y aun mas

Y siento
Algo en ti algo entre los dos
Que me hace insistir
Cuando miro en tus pupilas se que Dios no dejo de existir
Tu lo haces vivir
Tu lo haces vivir

Eyebrows!

2005-09-19T18:50:00.000-05:00

This weekend I found out that there are certain things in this modern society that can still strike me and make me wonder about my mind openness and acceptance.

Without trying to insult anyone, just want to write about my feelings on masculine facial hair. Let me start by saying that I am not your ‘typical’ female who would spend lost of money in facial products, such as cleaners, toners, exfoliate products, etc., etc. on the contrary I’m pretty low maintenance when it comes to that. As for my facial hair, well it is annoying and I try to keep up with the depilatory time for my own liking but I accept that it might be a little awkward for me to face a situation of dating someone who will take care of his face too much to the degree of having his eyebrows much more nicely shaped than me. I tend to love hairy man (to a certain degree – perfect example: Pete Sampras!). So, I would probably rapidly qualify this as way too much vanity and narcissism on my book. It would take some time for the concept to grow on me if it ever did.

In trying to prove to myself that I’m able to consider and to learn more about the facial vanity phenomenon on men, I started web searching for the definition of ‘METROSEXUAL’ . I had the gut feeling that the this relatively new concept could be the one to blame on this whole eyebrow issue; and indeed as I continue reading about it I’m able to understand and to blame vanity of this cultural shock. I guess now I have to question myself as to really why seeing a man who ‘manscapes’ his eyebrows evokes so much awkwardness on me. Is it because it’s just a new concept? Or is it because I’m envious of men who possess the vanity I lack? – got to think about it a little more. In the mean time, I will continue entertaining myself reading more about ‘metrosexuals’

SCARY THOUGHTS OF A NATURAL EVENT!

2005-09-15T17:57:00.000-05:00

Last night, we got a phone from my dad who is currently visiting El Salvador, our homeland, where he told us that he had gone to the doctor because his right leg was all swollen and it was not getting any better. He left a week ago and he was having some troubles already but never thought much of it, yet I was a little concern. This is not a surprise because I tend to get easily concern about anything that might be happening to my loved ones.

So, he is having circulation problems and his artery is now clogged which brings a higher risk of a blood clog to leave that area and start traveling thru his system to his heart, lungs, or brain causing a much more life threatening condition or even death. I have been praying more than usual and trying to be as positive as possible but as anything else the consideration of the negative has been in my mind since last night.

It would be my first time of losing a loved that close to me, my greatest lost so far has been my little angel who I did not get to meet but who I loved deeply before even her ephemeral existence inside me. I have always know that sooner or later death will be part of my life and don’t get to think much of it because it might be a little scary because of certain selfishness on my part. I want to enjoy my loved ones as long as possible and can’t picture my life without them.

Last night, I started thinking that if my dad were to depart from this existence he would do it from the country he loves so much even if we are not there with him in that moment. We would need to go and do the whole ritual of the last earthy good bye for us. Considering this far had never been at all possible before even when he went through chemotherapy and bone marrow transplant because of cancer.

My heart and mind get filled with great sadness thinking of it but time has played a role on me letting myself contemplate death from a different reference point. Why is it that we are not ready for death the same we are for any other fact of life?

Contradictions!

2005-09-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

ok, here is my dilemma right now. Recently, I paid 3 month for an online dating service (the e- one). I can start ennumerating many reasons why I did it but I guess the main one is because I would indeed like to find a nice guy to share a special relationship with.

There are moments when I strongly think that to me the ideal would be a very 'romantic' encounter where both of us would know that we are meant for each other ... I know, 34 years old and still believing in fairy tales ... yet I still think love is beautiful emotion regardless of the kind of course the very kind I'm missing in my life is the 'romantic' one. That one that makes us shake for no reason, the one that estimulates all different kind of nerves even in areas we are not so aware of ;), I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

So, I have emailed with a couple of guys and they all have seemed nice but I tend to use the email as a way to let them know ahead of time about my way of thinking and my way of seeing life ... I have very strong political and social ideas that I have notice 'scared' them away, I see it as a positive element but have friends who just get on my case for doing so. Let's not even mention talking on the phone when people you have never met! ... my God!! ... I hate it!

Are starting to see the contradiction?

I'm paying for a service that I don't seem to like much ... many people say it's fun ... I guess I just need more time to find the fun on it.

The Ocean!

2005-09-07T14:35:00.000-05:00

Ok ... it took me a bit longer to come back to the world of blogging ... excuses ... well many so let's not even start listing them.

Today, I just want to come back by talking about my recent vacation in the OBX, NC. It was a family vacation and had a great time. It was a total of 1a of us (7 adults, 3 kids and 1 dog - a beautiful Rottweiler), the house we rented was quite comfortable and the space was just perfect for all of us.

I discorvered that looking, hearing and just plainly enjoying in every possible way the ocean gives me a peace of mind and a state of relaxation that last for quite sometime ... ok until I come back to work and have to put overtime on deadlines ... man! I was already able to feel the ocean breeze again.

Waiting for the sunrise next in front of a dark ocean with loved ones next to you is a great experience - highly recommended if you have not tried it before.

Well, got to go back to be productive in something else right now but I will be back soon!

later

Starting!

2005-07-27T12:06:00.000-05:00

Well here I am starting my blog thanks to my co-worker and friend Truthfairy :) visit her blog to get to know a little bit about her.
I will try to write and share fun details as frequently as possible.
But for now this is my quick start!
see you later and check back soon