Can I start a new chapter?!
Well, it's now the 7th month of the year. I have to admitt that the first half was very active and satisfactory well in most aspect because there are still a couple in there that don't seem to get any better with time.
I saw him last night and I know I will miss him and I know it will be hard to finally let go but I think is finally time to be strong and wait for time to take its course transforming my feelings and making me stronger. Last night was absolutely MAGICAL! the whole ritual was different, I enjoyed every minute with him. I am afraid I could never feel all that if I just let him go but I just can keep up with the same situation any longer. I don't regret anything but I also believe I deserve more than the darkness of this relationship that has lingered for quite some time. My feelings are strong but I also have to be intelligent enough to find closure. I want to believe he has certain nice feelings towards me but there are stronger feelings in the rest of his life. He'll always be special. I don't have a list of men but when I met him there was the memory of the first who now is just a very lost memory in memory because what I've felt for A is much stronger and meaningful than anything else known before. He has alway made me feel like a real woman (last night more than any other night ;)) .... I know and I'm sure he does too that we have concluded our adventure, it was hard and it will continue to be hard but we'll always have mi angelita. She'll always be with me and therefore he'll always be with me.
I have tried this before and I always ended up letting my feelings (and passion) come first and never being succesful at not seeing him once again. I can not just have him as a FF - I want more and it's not marriage ... I just want him in my life, I want to share little and big things with him ... I want to discuss politics and I want to discuss futbol ... I want to be able to cry in front of him and not pretend it does not hurt ... this morning I was sure of my decision and it hurt but I could not cry until I was on the phone with a friend who was called me to invite me over to watch the game and I though wow I had no problem letting my guard down and crying a little bit with R but I had to protect myself with A ....
The mini is back to him now, that little thing was such a great companion these past months. I have to say that my journey of losing weight was less painful because of the mini who kept me company in moments when I was fighting with myself to be in the gym. The mini played a big role in my first goal. As the second half of the year starts changes are already taking place, my next goal is 5 more pounds (we'll see how productive last week was tomorrow when I weigh in) I know how to figure out how to compensate for the mini - probably with a nano, got to go over my budget and see.
I have to keep myself busy busy busy to make this new phase as less difficult as possible. I have to keep finding smiles whenever possible and I guess I would give the dating game a chance whenever the oportunity may arise.
As for now, my heart aches and cries silently.
I saw him last night and I know I will miss him and I know it will be hard to finally let go but I think is finally time to be strong and wait for time to take its course transforming my feelings and making me stronger. Last night was absolutely MAGICAL! the whole ritual was different, I enjoyed every minute with him. I am afraid I could never feel all that if I just let him go but I just can keep up with the same situation any longer. I don't regret anything but I also believe I deserve more than the darkness of this relationship that has lingered for quite some time. My feelings are strong but I also have to be intelligent enough to find closure. I want to believe he has certain nice feelings towards me but there are stronger feelings in the rest of his life. He'll always be special. I don't have a list of men but when I met him there was the memory of the first who now is just a very lost memory in memory because what I've felt for A is much stronger and meaningful than anything else known before. He has alway made me feel like a real woman (last night more than any other night ;)) .... I know and I'm sure he does too that we have concluded our adventure, it was hard and it will continue to be hard but we'll always have mi angelita. She'll always be with me and therefore he'll always be with me.
I have tried this before and I always ended up letting my feelings (and passion) come first and never being succesful at not seeing him once again. I can not just have him as a FF - I want more and it's not marriage ... I just want him in my life, I want to share little and big things with him ... I want to discuss politics and I want to discuss futbol ... I want to be able to cry in front of him and not pretend it does not hurt ... this morning I was sure of my decision and it hurt but I could not cry until I was on the phone with a friend who was called me to invite me over to watch the game and I though wow I had no problem letting my guard down and crying a little bit with R but I had to protect myself with A ....
The mini is back to him now, that little thing was such a great companion these past months. I have to say that my journey of losing weight was less painful because of the mini who kept me company in moments when I was fighting with myself to be in the gym. The mini played a big role in my first goal. As the second half of the year starts changes are already taking place, my next goal is 5 more pounds (we'll see how productive last week was tomorrow when I weigh in) I know how to figure out how to compensate for the mini - probably with a nano, got to go over my budget and see.
I have to keep myself busy busy busy to make this new phase as less difficult as possible. I have to keep finding smiles whenever possible and I guess I would give the dating game a chance whenever the oportunity may arise.
As for now, my heart aches and cries silently.
posted by Sonrisa @ 6:55 PM
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